Sometimes I feel like I want something that is so far away, all the time.

I just want to ask them stuff, I shouldn't.
I just want to feel things, I can't.

it's everything

Happy Thanksgiving.

Today I am surrouding myself with people who love each other and themselves. Today is a good day. I miss my mom though. She called and left a message this morning, so I call her back and leave a message, she calls me back, I'm in the shower, I call her back, and she doesn't answer. I'm afraid she is going to give up and not call back anymore. I hate her for what she is doing to her life, and what she did to mine, but I can't help but be angry because this is my first Thanksgiving without my mom. It was my first Halloween without my mom. And, now we are coming up on Christmas without my mom. I'm not sure what to do, what to think. Maybe I'm just really being a big baby.

I want a hug today. Right now. I feel so alone surrounded by this family that feels like a loaner family.