Thursday, November 27, 2008

it's everything

Happy Thanksgiving.

Today I am surrouding myself with people who love each other and themselves. Today is a good day. I miss my mom though. She called and left a message this morning, so I call her back and leave a message, she calls me back, I'm in the shower, I call her back, and she doesn't answer. I'm afraid she is going to give up and not call back anymore. I hate her for what she is doing to her life, and what she did to mine, but I can't help but be angry because this is my first Thanksgiving without my mom. It was my first Halloween without my mom. And, now we are coming up on Christmas without my mom. I'm not sure what to do, what to think. Maybe I'm just really being a big baby.

I want a hug today. Right now. I feel so alone surrounded by this family that feels like a loaner family.


Driftwood said...

I'll give you a hug. =]

Tesia Naomi said...

It's understandable that you are missing your mother at these Holiday times. You spent so much time with her, it is normal for you to miss her. Despite the fact that you may not agree with the things she is doing, you still miss and love her because she is your mother. I am sorry to hear that you feel lonely. I understand how you feel about being an "outsider" with your new found family. In time you will start to feel like you belong. But in order for that to happen, you ahve to want to belong. Change can not happen unless you take the steps needed to start it.

I hope that these feelings do not stay with you much longer, and that feel connected.